yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How I Feel We got more details about the client who died. She was beaten to death. I haven't been dealing too well with it. We had a memorial for her yesterday during staff meeting. I actually cried. I didn't expect too, I usually have better control over myself. It's just all been too much. I can honestly say I hate my job. There's so much other stuff going on with it and I'm sick of sending out resumes and not getting any response. I'm to the point that I'm about to just quit and register with a temp agency. The only reason I haven't done it yet is becuase of health insurance. My migraines are under control for the first time in my life and I don't want to go back to pre-Topamax and neurologist days. But I could do it. What I can't do is this job anymore. It's killing me. I daydream at my computer of just walking out the door. The sadness is overwhelming. I'm so afraid of another client dying. I'm so mad at the ones who take things for granted. I want to yell at them that there are people out there dying while they sit on their butts. I used to love this job. It used to invigorate me. Now it feels like a curse. My entire life feels out of control and hopeless. I know part of this is PMS, but part of this is me actually acknowledging how I feel for once. 10:26 a.m. - April 23, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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