yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need a punching bag I have been mad all weekend. When I say mad, I mean as in snap your neck in two with my tiny, childlike hands and feeding your carcass to the pigeons outside my office window as soon as talk to you. I secluded myself in my bedroom for most of yesterday, because I wanted nothing more than to yell at somebody. Unfortunately, there was nobody in my life who deserved to be yelled at. No, it's not PMS, the timing is way off for that. I'm afraid to open my mouth when I am around people because I don't know how much longer I can control this monster trying to escape. Woundn't Ungerman like that, though? It would certainly be honest. Yeah, and who knows what else would come spilling out at the same time. Probably my feelings for him! Mr. Don't You Have Something Else To Talk To Me About. Mr. I Don't Think You're Telling Me Everything. OF COURSE I'M NOT TELLING YOU EVERYTHING YOU IDIOT! No, instead of telling him everything, because that would make him run away from me faster than I ever ran away from a guy--I'm continuing to date Funny Man. Who's really quite nice and gentlemanly and intelligent and otherwise great. But just doesn't do it for me (yet?). And on top of that--hasn't done anything but hug me. We gone out for a month now--5 dates (last night being the latest). Hasn't tried to hold my hand or kiss me or anything. Now, I know I like to take it slow and I have a lot of boundaries, etc.....but that's ridiculous. What's wrong with him? What's wrong with me? Does he not find me attractive? And if that's the case, why does he continue to ask me out? I don't even know if I want him to kiss me or not, I just know that I want HIM to want to. Yes, that makes me a control freak, but we knew that about me already. I now have two men in my life who I feel an immense amount of frustration and uncertainty over. No wonder I want to punch something. 10:47 a.m. - April 07, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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