yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bruise Easily So, third date with Funny Man has come and gone without me pulling any of my usual tricks. You know--I haven't told him we're just friends and I haven't kissed him and immediately asked him to never contact me again. Quite the contrary. I actually relaxed enough to be amusing. So much so that by the end of the date he had laughed so much his jaw was hurting. That's a new one for me. My friends think I'm funny; my brother thinks I'm funny; my family as a whole thinks I'm funny. Guys I date NEVER think I'm funny. They don't see it because I never relax enough around them for them to see it. That I did so with Funny Man is nothing short of---well, terrifying. People keep asking me if I like him. The truth is, I don't know. I don't NOT like him. How can I like him when I don't know if I can trust him yet or not? Sad thing is, he hadn't done anything to make me think I shouldn't trust him. There are NO red flags. He's amazing, really, and I'm the Queen Red Flag Finder. My friends are considering marketing my skills. He's a great guy, though. I just have to be careful not to be myself on this one. Not to do what I normally do. In other news, I changed my own tire all by myself today. I had a nail in my tire and it was flat. I didn't want to ask for help. It was completely unreasonable of me, given that I didn't know what I was doing, but I was feeling out of control and I hate feeling as if I don't have control of my life. SO, I taught myself how to change a tire. My hands really hurt now. It feels like I stripped the skin off. I'm a wimp. But I did it, and now I know how. I have to get my emotions under control before Funny Man calls me on Wednesday. I was in a really good space, and then something happened on Sunday that just kind of threw a wrench in the works. It's why I'm feeling the loss of control. I'm irritable and mean and onery. I can't call Ungerman for a talk-out about it right now, because he's really stressed about his Master's Thesis and I don't want to take him away from the time he's spending on that to listen to my problems. Crap. He was telling me about it tonight until we were interupted, and then he clammed up and we never got back to our conversation. And he needed to talk about it. Double crap. I have over 23 bruises on my body right now, and I don't know where any of them came from. 11:35 p.m. - March 31, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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