yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mini Vacation I did the most irresponsible thing this weekend. I called in sick to work on Saturday and I took off to San Diego with three of my friends. It ended up being three guys and me. What about your recent resolution to avoid men, you ask? Very good question. The answer is that I've found most girls reluctant to pack on a moments notice, and the boys already had this trip planned. My friend who might be moving to Canada for six months--he deserves a name, he keeps cropping up in this little diary. Let's call him "Keys", as in Piano Keys, because he composes music. Anyway, he had already planned the trip and invited his roomate, "Salsa Boy" and our mutual friend, the notorious "Ungerman". They were leaving friday night. "Keys" convinced me that I needed a vacation--okay, it didn't take much convincing. We all know that if I didn't get a break soon I would be writing this diary from the State Hospital. I asked for assurance that I wouldn't be crashing a "guys-only" weekend, and we drove down. It was amazing. Nothing in particular, really. Just the fact that I left all responsibility behind and relaxed! This morning I woke up before the guys and walked to the beach. I sat watching some little boys play in the sand. One of them got mad when the ocean waves washed away something he was building. He grabbed up some sand and flung it into the surf. The waves just gobbled it up and continued to pound against the beach. I realized that by refusing to trust and by saying that I'm never getting married, all I'm doing is flinging my little bit of sand at the ocean. It doesn't change anything. The world is still the same! Nobody notices except me. I would be far better served expeding that energy in building a healthy relationship. Now, that realized, I just have to figure out how. Because beautiful realization aside, I still don't have that part figured out. There was no flirting, no cuddling, no hugging on the trip. It was almost as if I were with the girls. "Salsa" did give me some flowers he picked on our walk in the gardens, but it was a sweet gesture. Then, at dinner tonight it became very uncomfortable. "Ungerman" asked if he could drive back with us (We'd taken two seperate cars on the way). Sure, not a problem. When we sat down in the diner in Yuma he asked us how the trip down had been. Great, we told him. Anything unusual happen, he probed. Nothing to speak of, we replied. He continued asking questions about why I would come for such a short time, ect(Salsa and Ungerman had come out a day before us due to their work schedules). Finally, he just came out with it. He explained that Salsa Boy thought Keys and I were coming out to San Diego to get engaged! I was shocked. I quickly said no, I just needed to get out of the city; both of them knew how stressed out I'd been lately. Unfortunatly that little conversation brought all my stress flooding back. And did the hug "Keys" gave me when he dropped me off tonight have a weird feel to it? I thought I'd made it clear to Ungerman in our conversation that I was not looking to get married. That it was not something I could see myself capable of doing, let alone in the near future. How could he even think that? And what in the world was "Salsa" thinking? Idiots. 11:18 p.m. - March 02, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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