yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why I've Been Absent I've been very negligent, but so very much has been happening that I didn't have the time or energy to catch up. I still don't but my computer crashed on Wednesday, so I've lost all my case management files and really can't do anything until the IT guys come fix it. First, about my stepfather. He's not doing so well. I'm not moving home, though. I decided it's not the right thing. I talk to mom often on the phone, and am going home for a visit soon. The chemo has been really tough on him, and mom is up throughout the night, and working full time. She's exhausted. The pilot was back for two weeks of training, went to Montreal and will be back permenantly in two weeks. It was so good to have him around to flirt and hang out with. I adore him, but I realized that the spark I feel with "Ungerman" is missing with Flyboy. Now, the news with "Ungerman" is: he was really weird after he got back from California. He started making all these cryptic little comments about figuring out what I want and letting him know. He started withdrawing from me, yet at the same time being there when I needed him. Then we started this whole e-mail dialogue about boundaries. He didn't want any and I was trying to figure out what was going on between us. Finally, we went out last week. It was so fun. We went out for Thai food and played pool. When we walked, he would walk really close to me, our hands would brush against each other and I swear there was an electric current. I would literally jump. Then, I wigged out. I got so scared that the date would change everything between us and I would loose one of my best friends. I set up a friendship boundary. He asked me if I wanted to "negate the date". I said no, then yes, then that I just didn't want things to be weird between us. He said they would only be weird if I was weird. I've been weird since. I need to just call him today and be myself and see how things are. We haven't had a decent conversation since. I'm such an idiot. I'm in such turmoil. How do I fix this? I've wanted to talk to him a hundred times this past week, but have been too much of a coward to pick up the phone. By the Way--It's Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Purple Ribbons, people. Ironically enough, on Oct. 1st a woman was killed in her home by her ex. He broke into her home and shot her. Their six year old stayed on the line with 911 until the police arrived. Two of my co-workers knew the woman. The transcript of the call is heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking to come to work every day and work with children who will never be able to forget all they have heard, seen and experienced. 2:55 p.m. - October 04, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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