yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's on my mind.... “You cannot make anyone love you. All you can do is open yourself up to being loved.” Actually, Ducky has more important things on her mind than love. Haha. That has the potential to be a really bad pun. I’m going in for a CAT scan tomorrow at 1 pm. My doc ordered it because I’m still getting daily migraines despite the large doses of prescription drugs she has tested on me. Before anyone out there gets too worried, I know the test isn’t going to show anything. My head is just the receptacle of all the stress in my life, and migraines run in my family. Still, with an overactive imagination like mine, you can’t help but play through all kinds of scenarios. So, I’ve been wondering…what if. What if something serious did show up? How would I react? Would I tell anyone, or just pretend that everything is good? Would I go crazy and elope to Vegas? Travel around the world? Move home to Kansas? Finally finish that novel I’ve been working on? Oh, this is morbid. Let’s talk about something else. My mom is home from the hospital. Good news, yes, but my mom has fooled doctors before. I can’t be sure that she’s actually doing better. Hmm, still a tad bit morbid. Let’s try again. I started therapy last week. The session went great. I really opened up with my therapist. A day later I was convinced I didn’t really need therapy, I had shared too much and she hadn’t really helped me much anyway. The only reason I’m going to keep my next appointment is because a dear friend of mine pointed out that this is the same pattern I follow in relationships. Isn’t it men who are supposed to be afraid of emotional intimacy? Which takes me back to this entry's opening quote. How do we open ourselves up to being loved? I don't know. That's the whole problem. 9:14 a.m. - April 03, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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