yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Don't Know Sunday I got into Flyboy’s car and he preceded to tell me about a conversation he had with a mutual friend. Flyboy: Yeah, I’m getting transferred to Denver. Mutual Friend: How do you feel about that? F: I’m not too excited. MF: How does Yellowducky feel about it? F: Well, of course she’s not happy. MF: So, things were working out between you? F: Our relationship isn’t like that. MF: Why not, don’t you like her? F: Of course I do, she’s great, but it’s been established that we are just best friends. MF: Don’t you want to be in a relationship with your best friend? F: Well, yes, but…. MF: Don’t you think Yellowducky would want more of a relationship with you? At that point they (F and MF) were interrupted and the conversation ended. Now Yellowducky has the ball in her court. Unless I am totally out in left field, he’s asking me if I am open to deepening our friendship. I suddenly don’t know what I want. I’m scared. How did I react to Flyboy when he related this conversation to me? I just sat there, not saying a thing. I was in shock. I was going to address it last night when we saw each other, but, I’m a big chicken and never brought it up. Has too much time passed? What do I want to say when I do bring it up? Is it better to just keep going as we have been, knowing that he’s out of here in May for an undecided amount of time? Do I be completely honest with him as I have never been before in my life with any man? I trust him enough to be; I don’t trust myself to make the right decision, though. I’m terrified and elated at the same time. Now that I have to make a decision I’m having so many doubts about what I want. 8:48 a.m. - March 26, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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