yellowducky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Honesty Well, it’s officially over between us. He got back from Belize and we had the little talk about how we weren’t good for each other, etc. etc. etc. It was the best break-up scene I’ve ever had. We actually parted as friends. But now I miss him terribly. I’ve never missed a guy after I broke up with him. I’m very confused. Flyboy assures me that I just miss the relationship, and not really the man. I’ve decided to turn this into a productive time for me, though. First of all, the vixen is going to go into hibernation. I’m tired of playing the game. My best friend tells me I need to open myself up to being hurt. As she puts it, I’m always so busy protecting myself during a relationship I never give the guy a chance. She told me it was time to stop punishing every guy who wants to be close to me for something that my stepfather did. Maybe it’s time to try therapy again. I don’t know. People would never look at me and know I have so many issues. I appear to be a very healthy person. And I am. I truly have overcome so much. But I still have a few trust issues stemming from Robert trying to kill us, and a few issues from my stepbrother molesting me. This hibernation period needs to be me putting those last few issues behind me. I think I’m ready to let them go. I’ll just need a little help to do so. I’m tired of being a good actress; I want to be truly healthy. So, keep your fingers crossed for me that I can actually be honest with my therapist. 8:50 a.m. - March 19, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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